Video:  A Guilty Pleasure!

By: Holley Sinn

Verdict: Holy Heck Yeah!

This review needs its own decency rating. There would be no way for me to proffer an accurate assessment of the Robert Rodriguez slash and bash flick "Machete" without getting a little...dirty. Hence, we'll call this review PG-13. The film, however, is a hard "R"...chock full of nudity....heinous and gruesome killing....blood...dirt...cars with mad hydraulics...and other general awesomeness. It's a nod to a genre lost, but not forgotten...the drive-in double-feature B movie in the style of "Grindhouse" featuring "Planet Terror" and "Deathproof". And somehow, amidst all the blood, guts and nakedness....there's a moral and an uplifiting tale of rogue justice and cultural unity.

"Machete" stars Danny Trejo as a Mexican Federalist officer whose family is killed by a Mexican drug lord named Torrez, played by Steven Seagal. Having escaped death himself, Machete becomes a day laborer in a Texas border town, where he meets a taco truck operator and smuggler of illegal immigrants named Luz, played by Michelle Rodriguez. When Machete is hired to kill a state senator, played by Robert De Niro, he immediately turns around and offers the money to Luz in support of her efforts. However, the assassination goes awry, exposing a plot against Machete, initiated by the senator's campaign manager Booth, played by Jeff Fahey.

Also on Machete's tail is Immigration Officer Sartana, played by Jessica Alba, who offers to help Machete gain papers in exchange for information regarding his botched assassination. The two loosely join forces, but not before Machete discovers Luz's true identity...once a Mexican revolutionary, she is the mind behind an elaborate immigrant rescue and placement program called "The Network".

Having recognized the connection between Senator McLaughlin, Booth, an anti-immigration vigilante named Von Stillman, played by Don Johnson, and perhaps a face from his past, Machete becomes determined to avenge his family and the thousands of Mexican immigrants denied access to the United States every year.

That's the story, but the greater entertainment comes from the wild variety of cameos peppered throughout the film. Lindsay Lohan plays a meth-addicted internet porn star, and Booth's daughter....and Cheech Marin pops up as Machete's brother who is also a Catholic priest. Fans of Rodriguez films will also be excited to see Daryl Sabara, best know for his roles in the "Spy Kids" films, as a teenage Mexican wannabe with a heart of gold. "Machete" may have been made with teenage boys in mind, but its overall appeal is undeniable. The dialogue is ludicrous, and the action sequences are more over-the-top than any comic book film....plus, there's a scene of Jessica Alba naked in a shower that has no other purpose than to show Jessica Alba naked in a shower. Still, "Machete" is overwhelmingly likable. It's adorable in the same sense as a cartoon kitten holding a machine gun. It may be armed, but you still feel compelled to give it a hug.

"Machete", in all its blood-soaked, smokin' hot, naked glory, is rated "R" for....oh, everything...and it's now playing in theaters across the bay area. And, by golly, I just loved it.