Video: Vexed by the Vampire Craze!

By: Holley Sinn

Verdict: Denied

I don't get it. I mean, I seriously don't get it. If I were passionate about a series of books (which I am - all hail J.K. Rowling!), I would want to see justice done to my favorite characters on the big screen. Granted, I have not read any of the "Twilight" books, but I have a feeling the angsty characters therein have a bit more meat to the them than their cinematic counterparts. While Taylor Lautner's abs certainly have a place in the modern film marketplace, it's yet to be seen whether his acting ability will ever be able to match them on the grand scale of awesomeness...and Kristin Stewart's "Bella" is just an overly serious, horribly unpleasant little thing that eventually becomes grating to watch. I digress....let's discuss the plot of "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" and why I think the overly enthusiastic response from most critics is really a conspiracy built on Hollywood threats to dissolve criticism entirely if the movie industry doesn't start making big bucks again.

Where "Eclipse" picks up, Bella and Edward are a hard and fast couple, preparing for graduation and planning Bella's eventual change from human to vampire, an act which Edward opposes. But, Bella is resolute in her decision which troubles Jacob so much that he has stopped speaking to her. Meantime, trouble is brewing in nearby Seattle where young men and women are going missing or being killed in high numbers prompting the Cullen family to suspect that vengeful Victoria is assembling a vampire army. Their only hope in protecting mortal Bella is to partner with their sworn enemy....the wolfpack.

As Bella continues to plan for her approaching "change", the angry band of "newborn" vampires draws ever closer, and the royal Volturi are suspected of foul play. Edward and Jacob must put aside their fight over Bella's love in order to protect her, and Bella finally realizes that it might be possible to love two men....uh...creatures....men-creatures....at one time.

I am beyond perplexed by the positive buzz this film has generated. The acting is sub-par. The effects leave a lot to be desired as compared to similar films in the genre, and there's just so much.....talking. The first 45 minutes is made up of melancholy teenagers discussing their feelings over an angsty and haunting music bed, some of them wearing shirts...others among them not. Not that I'm complaining. But, looking back at the teen-dream movies of my own adolesence, there just seemed to be so much more substance in the film-making. And, good cheer, for that matter! And, I grew up in the age of grunge rock, for pete's sake! There was no more angst-filled era than the early 90s, and yet, we were so much less moody! Kids today need a little perspective, and the only place it pops up in "Eclipse" is when Anna Kendrick's "Jessica" gives a charming graduation speech about not knowing what you want, and not trying too hard to figure it out.

I simply cannot throw my stamp of approval down on "Eclipse"...as much as I feel led by peer pressure to do so. I am standing my ground. But, for those who just cannot make it through the summer without finding out the back story on the peripheral vampires like Jasper and Rosalie, know that "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" is rated PG-13 for intense action, violence and some sensuality. And, Taylor Lautner's abs....they should probably be illegal.